Dear Blog, I must sincerely apologize for my prolonged absence. Last year I promised you that I would be diligent about posting weekly and then I just disappeared. I have an excuse, I swear. Whether it’s a good one or not, I’ll leave that up to you to decide.
You see, just days before my last post, I found out I was pregnant. Yay! Cue the excitement. Cue the nerves. Cue the overwhelming nausea. I always thought that I would love being pregnant. I looked at the beautiful women with their rounding bellies and couldn’t wait to be one of them. Turns out, pregnancy actually kind of sucks. Don’t get me wrong, I love the little guy growing inside me. He is the true dream. But that doesn’t negate the everyday awfulness of the past seven months, it just makes it worth it. At least, that’s what every woman I’ve spoken with that has survived this process has told me. I have to believe it’s true.
I’m now 29 weeks and at the beginning of my third trimester. I never experienced the promised ‘energy boost’ of the second trimester, instead it’s been a constant flood of morning sickness (seriously the cruelest misnomer in the history of the language…unless ‘morning’ means all waking hours), aches and pains, and all around tiredness since the beginning. Still, the worst part for me is how pregnancy has changed my relationship with food. I used to love food (heck I even have a food blog!), but since I’ve gotten pregnant, I’ve learned to resent it. Food is now a necessary evil that I must manage properly or suffer the consequences. Eat too much, nausea. Eat too little, nausea. Eat the wrong thing, nausea. I never win.
This of course has put a bit of a damper on my food photography hobby. I was forced to stop posting when I went to edit some images I took pre-pregnancy and couldn’t even look at them without gagging. In fact, I have two shoots sitting in my Lightroom catalog just waiting to be shared.
Someday I’ll get back to them; for now I make no promises about the future of my posting. After all, it’s hard to make promises when you’re not entirely sure what the future has in store. I fully expect (and hope beyond hope) that I will love food again. But will I have time to cook, style and shoot any dishes? Perhaps not for a bit. I’ll continue to shoot portraits and explore the world with my camera (soon with an adorable model at my side!) and I’ll check in now and again, but probably no weekly posts. Someday I’ll be back. hopefully sooner rather than later.
For now, I’ll leave you with a few self portraits at 28 weeks. I took these in a moment of remembering that despite my whining this is still a time I want to document and cherish :)
Thanks for understanding, my dear Blog. I’ll see you when I see you. – Leah